Short Cuts

Giant Killers

2006-03-01T20:34:00.000+08:00

It's March Madness once again!

March 1997. The Kentucky WildCats were up against the Arizona WildCats for the NCAA Championship. Entering the game, Kentucky was ranked 1st in their division and Arizona was only ranked 4th in theirs.

Arizona kept pulling upsets until they reached the finals. Personally, I didn't think they'd go as far as the conference finals. Guess I was wrong; they went as far as winning the championship that year.

The game ended with the score of 84-79 in overtime. (FYI for NBA Fanatics, Kentucky had Ron Mercer, Scott Padgett, and Jamaal Magloire while Arizona had Mike Bibby, Jason Terry, and Miles Simon). Kentucky lost... The better team lost... My favorite team lost...

***

Growing up as an avid PBA fan, I watched top-ranked teams win championships year-in and year-out. First, it was Shell with Benjie Paras and Ronnie Magsanoc. Then came Alaska with Jojo Lastimosa, Johnny Abbarientos, and Bong Hawkins. Alaska's dominance was later challenged by a Sunkist team led by Vergel Meneses, Nelson Asaytono, Kenneth Duremdes, and upstart Boybits Victoria. The fan favorite during that time was, of course, San Miguel or Ginebra (later changed to Gordon's and back to Ginebra not long after). The crowd continued to cheer for them though they never really got to dominate the league.

Behind all these teams, there was one team that never won a championship and was seldom cheered for by the crowd. The team was then called Pepsi (now the Talk 'N Text franchise). At the end of every conference, a fan would not be surprised to see Pepsi at the bottom of the team standings. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if people can't remember them anymore! They'd probably say there's nothing special about this team... but I say otherwise.

By some weird coincidence, when we were in Manila and were able to watch the games live, we would always end up watching Pepsi's games. FYI, Pepsi was a team led by Elmer Cabahug and Al Solis, both were known three-point specialists. Other than these two old-timers, no one else was a "superstar" athlete in the team. Surprisingly though, they always won when we watched, and they won against the Shells and the Alaskas and the Sunkists. On paper, they were called the "Giant Killers." They always beat the best teams but never their fellow cellar-dwellers.

In the few games that I watched them during my formative years as a budding child, the team easily captured my imagination of what heart, team work, and love of the game is all about. They would always enter the court as underdogs, as sure losers if you will. But they will always enter the court with humility and, certainly, the passion and the will to win as well. Every game for them was a hard-fought battle, every point was well-earned. To Philippine Basketball, they became David and every foe, Goliath.

One time, behind by 20 points in the 4th quarter, they rallied with 3-point bombs to beat a championship bound team. Rightfully so, with every shot going in, people cheered... Louder and louder, they cheered. Pepsi simply showed them what heart was all about.

***

In life, you may either be the underdog or the championship-bound team. By I guess what I really want to point out is this: Just love the game dudes. Be in-love with life. Life is like a basketball game. Play every game with the will to win and the courage to try. Face every foe with utmost humility and respect for they make you who you are. Learn and improve from every shot taken and missed. Learn to play defense, life isn't all about scoring and offense. Take time-outs once in a while, especially when you need it to plan your next move or just to rest. Celebrate the simple joys of making a shot, you've earned it. And everytime, show heart in everything you do.

Underdog or not, it doesn't matter... Just take the shot and enjoy the game.

My Personality Profile

2006-02-20T11:00:00.000+08:00

Got this test from Ariel's blog (lonelyowrld.tk). May katotohanan nga ang mga sinasabi dito... Hmmm...

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Were a Whale

You see the unseen and connect on the deepest level.
You help others find their soul's song.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

A Letter From the Past

2006-02-14T10:47:00.000+08:00

Life Just Isn't

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about who/how many people call you. It's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sports you play, or which guy or girl loves you. It's not about your shoes, your hair or the color of your skin, or where you live or what school you go to. In fact, it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that.

But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness and compassion. It's about sticking up to your friends and replacing inner hurt with love. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for what they are and not what they have. Life is about these things.

From a letter given by someone whom I loved dearly during my high school years.

The Boy Who Lost His Way

2006-02-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

There is a story about a father and a son. The father loved his son very much that he would do anything for him. One night, while they were asleep, a fire broke out somewhere in the 2nd floor of their house where the bedrooms were. The father looked desperately for his son amidst the blazing furnace. But alas, he was forced to go down and out the house, hoping and praying that his son was already outside waiting for him.

The son, in his panic, climbed to the rooftop thinking the fire would not follow him there. But how wrong he was! The boy could not see a thing for the smoke was rising and blocking his sight. From the ground, however, the father could see his son up on the rooftop. Upon seeing this, he quickly assembled a cushion for his son to land on if he jumps.

He cried out to his son. "Son, jump! I have a cushion set for you. I will catch you!"

"Father?! Where are you?" asked the child, "I cannot see you... I am afraid."

He replied, "You need not fear. Everything is ready for you. Jump and all shall be well."

"But I am afraid. I tremble, I fear. If I jump, I might die!" cried the boy.

The loving father said in reply, "Do not be afraid. I am with you. I love you and you are mine."

***

My story ends with a question: "If you were the child, would you jump?" Without hesitation, most of us will probably answer a resounding "yes". But it's a totally different thing - saying and doing.

Oftentimes, when confusion and panic enter our lives, we tend to move away from God. It is a sad fact, but it is still a fact. In our panic, we try desperately to hide and run away from all our troubles hoping that it will not follow us. As a consequence, we hide and run from God as well. But try as we may to move away from Him, He will zealously look for us - amidst our darkest hours - simply because he loves us.

And it is really hard sometimes to understand how and what love is. But for me, love is this: "Love is so simple, it's difficult. Love discovers rather than seeks. Love reasons what the mind cannot. Love is the most natural thing in the world." So maybe that's why we love. Maybe that's why we are loved.

But we must also understand that, though He loves us dearly, God helps those who help themselves. Like the father and the boy in the story, He encourages us to jump! Let not our fears and being blind disable us from living. Rather, let it strengthen us in faith and love. "Love that we may be touched. Embrace that we may be made whole. Face our fears and anxieties that we may conquer them. Take the leap and live."

A fellow JVP e-mailed an encouraging message to us the other week that says: "stop saying I feel...and fear. Say I know I can do it!" How very edifying. I remember the boy crying, "If I jump, I might die" and realize that we are living a life not worth living at all if we let our fears, anxieties, and problems haunt us everyday. That's not the way to live. It is by doing and facing everything with God that we can live a life of reassurance, joy, peace, and salvation. Just like what the father said in the story: "Jump... and all shall be well."

St. Peter Claver, S.J. was right when he said, "seek God in all things and we shall find God by our side."

Do not be afraid I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine.

Barubad

2006-01-24T10:22:00.000+08:00

Palanca Elementary School/Classroom (Photos courtesy of Jason Endaya)

"Barubad" is a Maguindanaon term for what is commonly called suman in Tagalog.

I once asked our household help what makes the suman gray or green. I don't know if its true, but she told me that the color depends on the leaf used to wrap the treat. If a coconut palm is used, then the delicacy turns gray. If a banana leaf is used, then the suman turns green.

***

Barubad is one of the first Maguindanaon words I learned. Other words include eg (water), b'tung (coconut juice), and the phrase "antay ngaran ka" (what's your name?). But my favorite is still the Barubad. I just love saying the word! It made the people of Palanca, Maguindanao laugh as well for some reason. Maybe it's just funny the way I say it. I dunno.

Oh wait, have I mentioned that we went to Maguindanao?

We went there last Sunday on an invitation by Ma'am Agnes of Synergeia Foundation. What should have been a 4-hour drive from Marbel turned into a 3-hour circus ride thanks to our driver, Kuya Aying, and his Nissan BigHorn-turned-racecar. After which, we rode a jeepney which took us only half-way up the mountains 'coz the tires got stuck on the rough road (and when I say "rough road", I do mean the meanest, baddest, roughest road I've ever been on!). After a few attempts of nudging the jeepney to no avail, we were forced to ride a horse to get to Palanca. But shit! The last time I remember riding a horse was ages ago! And back then, it was a rocking-horse thingy in Jollibee with the freakin' springs attached to the bottom and all. (Hehe, yes, the good old days!). Anyway, that horse-ride left my butt aching and throbbing for an hour. That's 'coz good old Kuya Alex (the horse driver) forgot to bring the friggin' saddle. Woohoo! Fun, fun!

On our way up the mountains, the old Muslim ladies who were with us started telling stories about the town. At some point, we came across a small sitio with many abandoned homes. The story goes that the houses were burned because of Rido. The word "Rido" literally means "family feud." Cousins would kill each other because of problems with land ownership or because of other petty disputes. They say the houses would have foxholes underneath for crossfire purpose - I guess to hide and protect the women and children. But there were no women or children to be seen. We were crossing a ghost sitio.

Finally, we arrived at our destination - Sitio Palanca. We didn't get to see much of the sitio, though i don't think there was much to see at all anyway. Our first and only stop was at an elementary school that only has one classroom. Surprisingly, that single classroom is used by more than 600 students and pupils on weekdays. That's how poor, nay, deprived the place is.

It was the first time I've ever been in a Muslim community and everything was totally different for me. It was like starting my JVP year all over again. Of course, with more differences like the dialect, the religion, the culture, the way they dress, and just the feel of the place.

Or maybe it was just the 40 armed men who were also with us that day!

I mean, you see them on TV. You see them making headlines on the news. But somehow, you can never really see them until you "see" them. We were coming face-to-face with MILFs and it was a different experience altogether. That was really something else. But I digress.

Ma'am Agnes consulting the community for Synergeia Foundation

Anyway, we were there to offer help with their school. And as we were having our consultation with the whole community (wherein more than 200 parents attended), they presented their grievances and contempt for the government. They didn't even had to say it; their eyes alone reflected their disappointment in the local government. After that day, I couldn't say I blame them.

On our way home, we saw the house of a powerful politician in the area. The wide compound he owns is protected by high, orange-colored walls with a big gate festooned by armed security men. His "house" is probably bigger than a shopping center! Imagine that! And it even has its own colorful mosque inside! Everything else that surrounds his compound are just small shanties... Miles and miles of small shacks and shanties where poor, thin, and sickly people (his constituents!) live. Now there's already something wrong right there. And you can't help but begin to wonder, "where's social justice in this picture?"

As we passed by his orange colored palace, a Hummer came out of the gate. It was the first time I've ever seen one! I tell you, the last place I thought I would ever see a Hum-V would be in Mindanao. Kuya Aying later told us that this certain politician had two more Hummers inside his huge garage.

Then, remembering that just a few hours ago we were with M.I.s, I went home relieved that nothing else uneventful happened that day aside from my ass throbbing and aching due to a saddle-less horse.

***

We are all the same. We may differ with our religious beliefs, our culture, our hopes and dreams, and the way we live, but we are all the same. We are all human after all. We shed blood and heal. It is blood that flows through each and everyone one of us. It is that which makes us human. It is that which symbolizes our fragile nature. And it is that which also aids healing to symbolize renewal and learning.

We all feel love and hurt. It is love that flows through each and everyone of us. It is that which makes us weak and strong at the same time. It is that which gives us purpose and direction. It is that which connects us with one another. And it is that with which we are all made (and are being made) from. We are all loved by God.

If only people can see that we are like the simple Barubad. What surrounds us may be different and what wraps us may be that of another nature, but we are all still the same inside. We may come out differently because of the way we were made (or raised), but we are all made by God and wrapped by his comforting love. That's just simply how it is being human.

Together with school officials and community leaders

Poor Who?!

2006-01-22T20:18:00.000+08:00

We went to Maguindanao today... spent the whole day there... saw some really poor people...

Then I went home, took a bath, surfed the net, and found this story on today's issue of PDI.

It's from Father Jerry Orbos, SVD. This excerpt was a fitting way to end my day. It left me reflecting. Hope this blog's readers will like it as much as I did.

***

There is a story about a rich father who takes his son on a trip to the countryside to show how poor some people are. The child is quiet through the whole trip. On their way home, the father asks his son what he learned from the trip, to which the son responds: "Dad, I saw that we have one dog, and they have four. We have a nice swimming pool, but they have a nice creek. We have fancy lights and lanterns, but they have countless stars at night. We have high walls for protection, but they have friends. Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are." Poor indeed are those who do not let go of their comfort zones and let God into their lives.

***

I have so many stories and reflections that I want to write about.. just don't seem have that "writer's inspiration" lately. I have a lot of things on my mind this past couple of days. Or maybe.. I'm just tired from the Maguindanao trip. As to why, I'll save that story for another day. Right now, I need my rest.

Kapit-Bisig

2006-01-16T13:39:00.000+08:00

Gyobs' Version of the JVP Cross

*Sigh*... I miss my batchmates today...

ChangMaengKrisbPauSolDivineShaneJayjayBethRhey
GingerJamesBenjieJackieKrishTootsieSabsTinColeen
ZambieGyobsAynPeterJeanieAlbertVonJayBenjoe

A Promise Unkept

2006-01-06T12:28:00.000+08:00

My Props to Father Bert...

I received a text message today informing me that Father Bert Trinidad, SJ died at 6 AM this morning. He was 79 years old.

***

I met Father Bert during a confession a little over a year ago. Looking back, it didn't seem like a confession at all. We just casually started conversing the moment I sat beside him in that small chapel at Gonzaga Hall. I have to say, the guy was a smooth talker (praised me for my good looks and all!).

From the moment we met, he read me like a book - knew that I was in love, knew that I was thinking about priesthood, (knew that I was good-looking! Haha...) just by listening to my stories and feeling my "vibe." When in a deep conversation, he would close his eyes while talking and he would only open them when he would like to strike a point (and he would open them wide enough to scare you!).

After that confession, he took my name and contact number and said he enjoyed "the confession" and would like to talk to me again soon. A month later, Father called me up and invited me to have lunch with him. I declined his first invitation 'coz I was busy at that time. The second time he invited me, he said, "It's either you come and see me or you don't come and see me at all!" I tell you, it scared me! It was like God commanding me! So, with the consoling thought that having a Jesuit friend would be a plus, I came to see him the next day.

Fridays at 10:30 AM became my regular time slot with Father Bert every week. I became accustomed to the way he called me - "Mr. B.P." He would celebrate mass with just the two of us. It was super cool! After which, we would have lunch with the older Jesuits at the Jesuit Residence and would talk about life, love, faith, the nature of people, and God. By noontime, he would be off to the chapel to give confessions (and probably look for other "Mr. B.P."s).

In a short span of time, Father Bert and I became good friends. I learned a lot of things from his lectures and life stories. He (along with Father Martinez, a 91-year old Jesuit) became the Grandfather figure I never had the chance to sincerely know or talk to.

Before I went to Mindanao for my JVP year, I promised him that I would send him a letter every month. But seven months into my JVP year and I've only sent him a letter once (via e-mail). And now he's gone. And regret and guilt starts to set in. No form of rationalization would justify my negligence to a friend's simple request. I wasn't even able to visit him during his wake. And I was too late the day they brought him to Sacred Heart for the burial.

I am only left with my "what ifs"...

What if Father Bert was still here?

Another confession. Yes, that's what I would probably do. After all the praises and thanks have been said, I would humbly ask him to forgive me for a simple promise unkept.

The Gift of People

2005-12-20T11:08:00.000+08:00

The Gift of People: A Reflection That Started From My Dead Fish

This morning, I just found out that two of my pet fingerlings died. One of our volunteers who is taking care of them for me said so. My pets must have died missing me 'coz I was away for the weekend. Yes, I'm grieving, though not that much. Sad to say, I'm not much attached to them (yet). I'm sure they went to "fish heaven." They were good fishes... they didn't talk that much, they were shy, but they were good. They were "fingerlinging good!"

They were not the first to go to "fish heaven" though. One of them committed suicide last thursday night by jumping out of the fish bowl. At that time, I haven't even named them yet. So, I named this one Susy because she was suicidal. We didn't flush her down the toilet or anything. We buried her under a plant inside the office.

***

Much like my pet fingerlings, we will also come and go. Family, friends, even enemies - they will all come and go. Thus, the question: what's the sense of getting attached to people (or pets) if one day they'll depart from us (or we from them) in on way or another?

***

The other day, we went around town singing Christmas Carols with our volunteers. Wala lang, nagkayayaan lang. I strummed that guitar all night (that left me sick the next day)! We earned 371 pesos for two hours of caroling. Yes, we were 371 pesos richer. But what we valued most was the companionship, the community, the "gift of people." The money may not even last a week, but the memories will definitely last a lifetime. Maybe ten years from now, when I return to Marbel, we will once again gather and talk about how we sang our Jingle Bells and Merry Christmases. No one will probably remember how much we earned.

Yes, people will come and go. And we should always try to look at this at how God sees it. As the song goes, "persons are gifts." It's true. Every person we meet is a gift. A gift from God of immeasurable value.

That's why we need to be attached. It is natural for us to do so. Naturally, we love gifts. What more if it is a gift from God! We ourselves are gifts to others, to the people that come our way. We open ourselves sincerely. And we open others as well by showing interest in their being. We open the "gift of persons" just by consciously being with them, sharing our time, talking, laughing, and even praying.

In 3 months time, I will be leaving Marbel. But when I leave, I don't want to have any regrets. I'm trying to make the most out my stay by being with the people I have grown to love in this area. Tomorrow, I will be leaving for Manila. But not before going out (swimming!) with some of our volunteers later this afternoon. Yes, I know I have a lot of things left unpacked. But it is an invitation I wouldn't dare miss. You see what I mean?

So this Christmas, let's be the best gift we can be to everyone we met. Let's look for and appreciate the best gift of all - "the gift of people."

First Time

2005-12-14T15:56:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you did something for the first time?
(This JVP year has been a year of "first time doing things" a lot!)

December 14, 2005 - two unexpected things that happened today:

(1) I was given 5 fingerlings (little fishes) today! You see, today is the second day of our "Kris Kringle kalokohan" and today's theme is "something wet". I think whoever gave them to me contemplated very hard (to the point of nose bleeding) on what to give me. I think he or she had this crazy notion of me wanting a "wet female" or something in that category for this day, if you know what I mean. So he or she gave me "five wet female fingerlings!" I still have no idea who my Kringle is though. Everyone's admitting it's him or her which is really confusing me. (Bravo! This ploy is working!)

My first reaction upon seeing the wide-eyed fingerlings was "OH NO!" I returned their stare with my own wide-eyed, mouth gaping reaction of "OH NO". Haha!

You see, it's my first time to have a pet fish, and it scared the hell out of me! Sure, we've had pets before. We've had puppies, kittens, and hamsters... But most of them didn't even get past their puberty before they died! Someone definitely has to teach me to take responsibility for pets. To console myself, I just kept telling myself that it is imperative for me to take this challenge. Why? Because I need to practice raising pets before I can raise a child! Yes, it's a crazy analogy, I know! But I seriously do want to have children and this will be a good practice venue for me! Hopefully...

Speaking of having children...

(2) For the first time in my life, I bought condoms. Yup, condoms! Now don't be shocked! Don't think that I'll be "using rubber" anytime soon. I bought them still for the purpose of our "Kris Kringle kalokohan" (an acceptable excuse, right?) since Friday's theme is "something naughty".

It was really awkward asking the lady kung "may condoms ba kayo?" I specifically timed my purchase when the drugstore was empty (aside from the cashier). JVP kasi eh, I have a reputation to protect. But I may as well have been an example to everyone, especially the teens, to start using condoms and stop breeding like rabbits! Hahahahaha... Funny stuff. Funny experience.

Originally, I thought of buying rugby for my Kringle. But upon further discernment I thought of buying something safe rather than something harmful! Hahahahaha! I hope you get the joke! Oh well... sorry if you didn't... Hehe...

Psst... I bought an extra pack just in case. Hahaha

Sapatos

2005-12-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

Nag-uusap si JVP volunteer 1 at si JVP volunteer 2 sa isang "place to be" sa Kidapawan na hometown ni JVP volunteer 3. Heto ang nangyari sa isang pag-uusap.

JVP 3: Gusto nyo pa ng beer? Libre ko!
JVP 1: Sige, kung mag-iisang round din kayo.

Nag-order sila ng beer.

JVP 1: Magkwento ka naman (sabi nya kay JVP 2).
JVP 2: Sige, magbigay ka ng topic tapos pag-usapan natin.
JVP 1: Eto, Freedom.

Pinag-usapan nila ang freedom. Pagkatapos...

JVP 1: Sige, ikaw naman magbigay ng topic. (sabi nya kay JVP 2)
JVP 2: (Mukhang nag-iisip, sabay lagok sa beer at sinabi)... Pagkabigo.
JVP 1: (Nag-isip din sandali) Hmmm... sige, ikaw mauna magkwento, ikaw naman ang pumili ng topic.

Ito ang kwento ni JVP 2 tungkol sa pagkabigo:

Noong bata pa ako, bago ako mag-high school, dinala kami ng nanay namin sa States para magbakasyon. Tandang-tanda ko pa noon sa mall na meron akong gustong bilhin na sapatos. 'Yun talaga yung hinahanap-hanap ko. Nasa Pinas pa lang kami eh gusto ko nang bilhin yung sapatos na 'yun. 'Yun kasi 'yung unang sapatos ni Scottie Pippen, 'yung favorite kong basketball player noon. $100 ata yung presyo nung sapatos, pero gustong gusto ko pa rin talaga siyang bilhin.

Sa kinasamaang-palad ibang sapatos ang binili para sa akin. Mas mura daw kasi yung pinili nila nanay, $90 lang. Ayaw din kasi ni nanay yung design ng sapatos na gusto ko (na kulay itim lahat). Kahit nagtampo ako at pinaglaban ko ang "advantages" ng sapatos na gusto ko, hindi ko nakuha yung pinaka-nais ko. In short, nabigo talaga ako.

Hindi pa nakakaraan ang isang linggo, ang dami ng nakapansin ng bago kong sapatos. Maganda raw ang design at pwedeng gamitan sa kahit saan - mapa-sports man o mapa-porma. Flexible kung baga. Hindi ko ito napansin noong una. Pero totoo nga ang comments nila. Maganda nga yung nakuha kong sapatos. Hindi ko lang siguro kaagad nakita dahil nainis ako na hindi ko nakuha yung gusto kong Scottie Pippen shoes (na pang-basketball lang naman talaga kung iisipin mo). Simula noon, proud na akong sinusuot ang sapatos na iyon. Nagtagal lang siya ng isang taon sa akin kasi lumaki na ang paa ko, pero yung ang sapatos na pinaka-naaalala ko.

Ito ang lesson. Sa buhay, lagi tayong may hinahanap-hanap at minsan, kung swerte ka, makikita mo ito. Pero maaaring mabigo ka rin dahil hindi mo nakuha itong tanging nais mo. Pero nabubulag tayo minsan. Di natin nakikita na laging may kapalit. Laging may ibinibigay na iba para sa atin. Minsan, mas kailangan mo pa nga ang ipapalit. Minsan, mas maganda pa nga ito, hindi mo lang kaagad makita.

Sa buhay - sa pag-ibig, sa pag-aaral, sa trabaho, at kahit sa jvp area - mabibigo at mabibigo ka talaga. Bahagi ito ng buhay natin. Pero kung titingnan mo sa isang bagong pananaw, ang pagkabigo ay hindi talaga pagkabigo kundi isang bagong panimula...

P.S.
Salamat kay JVP 3 sa paglibre ng beer :)

Pierced

2005-12-09T18:58:00.000+08:00

In honor of my Dad's 53rd birthday and my sister's 26th birthday today, I had my left earlobe pierced! Woohoo! Kewl!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD and ATE! :D

Pagtataya

2005-12-09T17:01:00.000+08:00

Ano nga ba ang "Pagtataya?"

...

"Hindi ako lubos na masaya sa aking taon sa JVP." Ito ang sinabi ko noon kay Ate Bunny sa isang deepening group namin. Midyear noon. Kalahating-taon pa lang, pero nalulungkot na kaagad ko. Maraming dahilan. Pero simple lang talaga kung iisipin - hindi ko naramdaman na nalubos ako.

Subalit isang buwan pa lamang nang makalipas ang midyear, ibang-iba na ang nadarama ko. Nag-iba ang ihip ng hangin pagkadating na pagkadating ko pa lang sa erya pagkatapos ng midyear. Oo, maaaring dahil mas maraming nangyari nitong nakalipas na buwan. Pero baka dahil din ito sa pagbabago ng aking pananaw.

Bumalik ako sa erya galing sa midyear na dala ang baon ng suporta ng batch. Hindi man alam ng lahat ang maliit kong problema, marami pa ring tumulong sa akin tulad nila Ate Thea at Bro IJ (nung nasa erya na ko). Takot akong bumalik ng Marbel, pero may pinanghahawakan din akong "baon" noon. Ewan ko, pero mas napaalab ang aking kagustuhang magtaya pagkatapos kong makasama ang aking batchmates... marinig ang kanilang mga kwento... malaman ang kanilang pinagdaanan... makita silang muli. Sa pagtapak ko sa bus patungong erya, alam ko na kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.

Sa nakalipas na buwan, walang araw na ako'y nanghihinayang. Bawat sandali ay pilit nilubos at ibinuhos para sa pagkikibahagi at pagtataya. Haaayyy... ang sarap ng pakiramdam. Siguro, ngayon ko kasi nakikita ang tunay kong tawag dito. Ngayon ko nakikita ang hinihingi sa akin. Ngayon ko nakikita ang erya, trabaho, at ang sarili ko sa isang kabuuan. Ngayon, iba na ang pananaw.

Kung bukas ay tapos na ang taon ko sa JVP, ayos lang... masayang-masaya na ko. Marami na akong baong mai-uuwi pagbalik ko sa amin. Baon ko ang mga masasaya't masasalimuot na alaalang humubog at bumuo sa akin. Baon ko ang mga ngiti ng napakarami at iba't-ibang tao na nakilala ko sa buong Mindanao. Baon ko ang bagong kaalaman sa iba't ibang kultura. Baon ko ang alaala ng office, ng mga youth groups, at nang pinakamamahal kong tahanan sa Mindanao - ang Marbel.

Anim na buwan na akong nandito sa Pathways. Nakarating na ko sa iba't-ibang lugar. Nadama ko na ang malamig na simoy ng hangin sa Bukidnon. Nakita ko na ang napakayamang kultura ng Zamboanga. Nakaakyat na ako sa Mount Apo (kahit sa paa lang). Nadama ko na rin kung paano mamuhay sa siyudad ng Davao at Cagayan de Oro. Pero lagi kong babalikan ang South Cotabato - ang ingay ng mga tricycle, ang kulay ng mga puno, ang pag-uusap ng mga estudyante, ang usok sa mga ihawan, ang mga malawak na daan, pati na rin ang mga pulubing gumagala dito.

Excited ako. Ngayon pa lang, excited na ako para sa mga bagong JVP volunteers na papalit sa amin dito ni Jay. Ang daming pagbabago sa organisasyon at ang daming bagong posibilidad. ang daming kailangan gawin at ang daming maaaring matulungan. Ngayon pa lang, sana maayos na namin ang lahat para sa kanila. (Organizing pa lang kasi ang ginawa namin, next year pa talaga ang implementasyon na ng mga programa ng youth groups). Ako naman, tama na sa akin ang isang taon dito. Pakiramdam ko na sapat na ang isang taon. Napapanahon na upang dalhin ko ang mga natutunan ko dito sa buhay na aking tatahakin. Nahanap ko na ang bahagi ng aking sarili. Ngayon pa lang, nararamdaman ko na na sa pagtapak ko sa bus paalis erya, alam ko na kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Sana.

...

Ano nga ba ang "Pagtataya?" Nakita ko ang sagot sa isang exhibit sa NDMU: Pagtataya... "bending but never breaking"...

Of Lessons and Exams...

2005-11-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

Of lessons and exams...

I was in Davao last Sunday to take the UP LAE in UP Mindanao. And I have to say, I did pretty well. Hey, I did my best! Not being nonchalant or anything, but yes, I did just OK. I finished the math part just in time, I answered every question as rationally as I possibly can, and I was able to say what I wanted to say in the essay part. But heck, I don't know if I did well enough to make the cut or not. Out of the thousands who dared to take the 4-hour exam, only 150 will be privileged enough to start their study of Law at UP Diliman next year.

But I "re-learned" something very important during my weekend in Davao. Surprisingly, it didn't came from any of my reviewers or any of the test questions in that freakin' exam. The lesson came from what my JVP batchmate, Albert, said during our TSP the night before the exam. He said, "Ang higit na mahalaga ay kung papaano ka matatandaan ng mga taong natulungan mo, pumasa ka man o hindi... " Wow! The words struck me like lightning from Mount Olympus! How true, how true! I have forgotten this simple lesson because of so many preoccupations and that night of re-education became a night of blurred reflections.

People will remember me not because I passed or failed, but because of what I have been, how I've been to them... and because I tried and did my best...

(I feel a flashback coming, hold on....)

Ah yes, I remember the first and only time I attended a Jesuit VocSem (last year). It was also my first to encounter Fr. Mario Francisco, SJ (back then, I had no idea that he was the JVP National Chaplain and I liked the way his hair looked!). He was asked to give the parting words for the Seminar. He talked in a way that was humble but in a way that also commanded attention. These were his exact words in fluent Tagalog:

"Paano ko ba gustong matandaan ako ng mga tao kapag natapos na ang aking paglilingkod sa mundo, ang aking buhay? Simple lang, gusto kong matandaan nila ako bilang si Mario, isang taong nanubok ibigay ang lahat... Maaring matalo o mabigo ako, pero pilit-sinubukan ko pa rin..."

Nanubok. Pilit-Sinubukan.

Ang galing! Wow! To me, nothing could be simpler, nothing could be clearer than this. (Hmmm... It's weird 'coz Albert and Fr. Mario does look alike!)

Fr. Francisco is now in Boston but his words will always stay with me, reminding and haunting me of freakin' MAGIS, and now I'm addicted to it.

I may not have passed. I may have failed. (Redundant, I know!). But what the heck, at least I'm here in Marbel as a JVP, trying to give the best that I can...

Or... Damn! Maybe, just maybe, I'm just comforting myself from the thought that I didn't do well. Ha, that would be funny! Blurred reflections all over again!

Huwag Kang Mangamba

2005-11-30T15:58:00.000+08:00

Ako, nagmumuni-muni at kinakabahan habang dumadaong ang barko sa pier ng General Santos City noong ika-8 ng Hunyo, 2005. "Stay with me"... Ito ang panalangin ko noon kay Kuya Jess...
photo courtesy of Jason Endaya

THEME FROM "THE CARDINAL"
(one of my JVP songs)

Should my heart not be humble, should my eyes fail to see,
Should my feet sometimes stumble on the way, stay with me...
Like a lamb that in springtime wanders far from the fold
Comes the darkness and the frost, I get lost, I grow cold...

I grow cold, I grow weary and I know I have sinned
And I go seeking shelter and I cry in the wind...

And though I grope and I grumble and I'm weak and I'm wrong,
Though the road buckles under where I walk, walk alone...
'Til I find to my wonder every path leads to Thee,
All that I can do is pray, "Stay with me, stay with me"

(This version is taken from "Bayan, Umawit")

The Midyear Experience of Dave

2005-11-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

Midyear: For JVP Batch 26

(an excerpt from "The Midyear Experience of Dave")

...riding a bus on the way back to Marbel, a flock of white pigeons grazing on the distant marsh caught Dave's attention. The birds all began to strongly take flight—synchronized, choreographed by the Maker himself—refreshed by the repose their sanctuary has given them. Together, they flew. It was a magnificent sight to see. It was not long, however, before they broke their aerial formation. It was slow and cautious, as if the birds were bidding each other farewells and blessings for the journey to come. Then a pair broke free from the group, and then another pair, journeying toward a new direction. Others flew away alone and ventured a solitary flight.

“The Midyear was a time of coming together for all the volunteers. And like the flock of birds, we take flight when the season ends. Once again, we have ourselves renewed, our beliefs re-committed, and our passions rekindled. Together, we take flight... truly magnificent to behold. And though some would fly alone, we are always reminded that all of us traverse the same sky. And when the season of journeying ends, we return to our sanctuary—our flock. Our community. Our batch. Bente-sais.”

Mga kapatid, year-end is just around the corener. Until the, let's continue "to give without counting the cost".

Dave

Note on the Author: “Dave” is one of the many names Benjoe Panahon has been mistakenly called during his first five months as a Jesuit Volunteer. His other names, which he deems incorrect but loves nonetheless, include “Joe” (by his partner), “Beho” (by his twin), “Jhong” (by a certain DepEd Official), and “Bonjie” (by a group of students in Tacurong). “Dave” is by his newfound friends in Davao.

Ask the Stats

2005-11-18T15:31:00.000+08:00

Out of 100 six-year-old-Filipino children:

98 will enter Grade 1 (but 26 will drop-out before Grade 4)
72 will make it to Grade 4
65 will finish Grade 6
58 will enroll as 1st Year High Schoolers
42 will graduate High School
25% of those who will enter college will drop-out within their freshman year!
No more than 20 will graduate College!!!

Students of St. Therese High School, Miarayon, Bukidnon

*stats courtesy of the Ateneo Center for Education Development and the Department of Education.

Why The Title?

2005-11-08T16:59:00.000+08:00

Yup! Short Cuts!

Ever heard of the Jesuit Volunteers Philippines? (If you haven't, check out their website at www.jvpfi.org). Well, I've been crazy enough to volunteer a year of my young adult life as a youth organizer in Marbel, South Cotabato. I've been away from home for 5 months now and I've been travelling the cities of Mindanao all this time. Yup! I am literally, a travelling man. Existentially, a travelling man. A travelling man ruined for life. Hmmm... I guess that's what Jesuit Volunteers really are after (or within) their year of service - ruined for life.

Ruined because, like many volunteers before us, we have chosen the road less taken. Not because it is the easier or better path. On the contrary, it leads to confusion, it challenges one's principles, and it changes one's life forever. For the past months, I have lived without the technological comforts of a television or a refrigerator. I have lived on 4,450 pesos a month on allowance. I don't get much, but it's enough. Definitely, it's more than enough.

What enriches me are the realities and experiences I am faced day after day in my work area... Realities that hit me with a hard punch and leave a mark that says, "You have been truly been blessed among others..."

To say that "I've learn a lot" during my stay as a Jesuit Volunteer is an understatement. I have learned more about myself, about life, and about God during the past months. In turn, I've had more questions than answers... And so, I continue to travel as I always do. My search for myself continues... traversing the dark and uncertain path of this "short cut" that I have foolishly taken... comforted only by the love of family, friends, and my JVP batchmates (all 27of them!)... my dark path lighted by the guidance of God... and in the end, I continue to hope. I hope. Nothing more, nothing less...

I hope to share with you my journey through my stories and reflections. I'll see you all soon! Ciao! :)